When Helping Becomes Identity

From the time I could carry a laundry basket, I was helping. I didn’t think of it as responsibility—it just felt like love in action. When my baby brother was born, I was there, hands ready, the first to touch him as he entered the world. When my mother managed education for hundreds of children while caring for our family, I took on whatever would lighten her load. Not because anyone forced me to, but because being helpful was how I knew I mattered.

This shaped me in ways I’m still untangling. Maybe you know that feeling too—that internal pressure to be the steady one, the capable one, the helper everyone counts on. There’s a particular weight that comes with it. People begin to rely on your readiness. You become the solution before you even know there’s a problem. Your worth gets tangled up in your usefulness. You learn to anticipate needs before they’re spoken, to fill gaps before they’re noticed. You thrive on being indispensable. 

In building JASPER, I've had to examine this pattern. The instinct to say yes to every meeting, to fix every problem personally, to be the one who holds it all together. I’ve learned that a sustainable business can't depend solely on one person's efforts, and that true impact and fulfillment come from being just as open to receiving as you are to giving. A life measured only by usefulness will eventually feel empty.

The gift of being naturally helpful is real. It builds trust, creates connection, and solves problems. But when being the helper becomes the only way you know how to feel worthy, purpose becomes a prison. You can’t rest because someone might need you. You can’t set boundaries because that feels selfish. You can’t receive help because you’ve built an identity around being the one who gives.

Now, I’m choosing a new identity. I’m learning to give from fullness and intention, rather than from the need to prove my worth. To serve because I choose to, not because my value depends on it. To trust that sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is to step back and let others step forward.

Maybe you’ve felt that same tension too. The weight of serving from exhaustion instead of overflow, mistaking busyness for belonging. If so, I see you. Your helpfulness is a gift, but your worth is sacred. It’s who you are, not what you do. 💛

— Jasmine